Parenting an Only Child by Susan Newman

Author:Susan Newman
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780767909402
Publisher: Harmony/Rodale
Published: 2001-12-11T00:00:00+00:00

“We are able to offer him anything and everything he wants. That’s very pleasurable to me. My parents were not very well-to-do and could not give me the things I wanted.” Chemical engineer Roger Clemens, like many parents, derives satisfaction from being able to provide well for his child.

The only child is likely to live in a financially secure environment. He is apt to receive most of what he asks for—a teen tour through Europe, the same style shirt in several colors, and a back-up pair of sneakers. He will be the first to tell you: “I get almost anything I want”; “My mom buys me more expensive clothes because there is one of me”; “My grandparents give me money whenever I need it”; “You get lots more stuff and you don’t have to share it.”

There will be no lessons from siblings who are stuffing their piggy banks or saving up to buy their next toy or video game. Unlike his peers with brothers and sisters, the only child may be indulged without regard to cost or to the financial realities he will encounter when he sets out on his own. Therefore, the only-born needs a careful indoctrination in money matters.

“There is a difference,” explains Maxine Sobel, mother of a twenty-one-year-old, “between indulging and spoiling one child.” The difference rests in a parent’s underlying motivation. Parental guilt can be a strong factor in only-child families. Some parents feel they must compensate for the absence of siblings, using the excuse that a child needs more things because there is no at-home playmate; others employ material indulgence to make up for extra time spent at the office. Splurging to temper guilt has no reward beyond a child’s ten minutes or few days of instant gratification.

How you offer a possession is far more important than what that object may be. If you attach strings to your gift—“you must start performing better in school, keep your room neater, help your mother, share it with your friends”—you might as well not bother. “Gift persuasion” is rarely effective and never constructive.

Setting limits on what you are willing to buy serves as strong evidence that you are not attempting to buy your child’s love and affection. You can teach good money sense and instill a respect for its value by drawing parameters. For example, starting in kindergarten, children receive monthly book order sheets at most schools. Permit your only a given number of books each month—two to four books or a set dollar amount—rather than allowing him to choose as many as he would like. When you buy clothing, give him either/or options. “You can have the red shirt or the blue shirt, not both.” In restaurants, discuss the prices of different selections on the menu.

“We made a conscious decision when Philip was two to restrain our spending and his,” explains Bonnie Fales, who used school fairs, carnivals, and outdoor markets as means of educating her son in money matters. “When we went to flea markets, for instance, we told Phil he could buy one thing.

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